Oh yes, she did! I spent this evening at a birthday party that my son was invited to. Who throws a party for 4-5 year olds on a Monday evening from 5:30-7:30 p.m.? I wouldn’t, but that is just me. Ethan is usually wound down and ready for bed by 7:30 p.m. on a weekday.

The party was held at an indoor inflatable playground. Every child’s dream. Lot’s of running, yelling, jumping and then the sugar rush of cake and ice cream follow.

There were 3 high school teenage girls who staffed the room and enforced the rules amongst the rambunctious pre-schoolers. For minimum wage, you wouldn’t have found me working there at that age listening to “on top of spaghetti all covered with cheese….” over and over again.

The almost all female parent brigade stood around chatting, but there was one mom playing policewoman during the entire party. Instead of watching her own terror of a son, she was constantly hounding other children. I kept one eye on her and one on my son. He was actually pretty well behaved (not that he doesn’t have his moments).

The other mom’s didn’t seem to care that this woman was correcting their children and ignoring the fact that her son just pushed 3 little girls down climbing up the slide. Or that while she was telling the staff to ban another little boy from going down the slide, her son was climbing on top of the air hockey table.

Me? I cared. So I waited until she took her shot at my child and she did so by telling him to stop jumping so hard in the bouncer. (Which is what it is for!) So I walked over and politely said, “Excuse me, but unless you gave birth to this child mind your own business. Which by the way, your business is now unplugging the inflatable slide and you would know that if you kept your eyes on him and off the other children.”

She huffed and walked off. Although I didn’t hear any claps, the eyes of the other mom’s all gave me the approving nod.

My mother and I have a deep history with purses. Long ago, I didn’t even want to carry a purse. I just wasn’t an accessory type of girl. By the time college came around I developed a more feminine style. During my freshman year in college I had 3 purses stolen in 6 months!

This was all pre-9/11 but getting a new driver’s license was a huge pain. The Bureau of Motor Vehicles wants like 4 forms of ID, which is nearly impossible if you just lost your license, social security card, debit card, student id, etc… Usually I had to dig out a yearbook as an acceptable picture ID. The angry lady at the BMV wasn’t nearly as bad as dealing with my mother though.

I’m sure you’re anxious to hear how someone manages to have the same thing happen more than once. I obviously don’t learn from my mistakes. Let me re-cap the stories:

1st - I left it in the back seat of a girlfriend’s car on campus. I wasn’t even out partying! We were at the student Christian center hanging out with some people. But the parking lot was near a dark alley and they broke the back window taking only took my purse. The cops found it in a dumpster down the road but it was empty.

2nd - I was shopping at Wal-Mart and left it in the shopping cart…in the parking lot. By the time I got home and realized it wasn’t with me, it was gone. A few months later some lady called us from a town away and said they’d found my purse with ID. My mom went to pick it up from some shady apartment complex and of course it was completely empty. I’m speculating here, but maybe these people took it and then thought they’d get a reward? I don’t know.

3rd - (And final time!) On Valentine’s Day my roommate and I had an awful date with these 2 guys. He drove a beater car and who the hell would break into it is beyond me, but using my noggin’ I actually put the purse in the trunk this time. While in the movie someone again broke a window, took his cd player (which was some knock-off brand) and broke through the back seat to the trunk. My only explanation is that they must have seen me put it in the trunk.

All three of these instances happened at night and usually very late. The second call I had to make every time (after the cops) was to my mother. Waking her up in the middle of the night was never a good idea, but by the third call she was pretty much done. I can’t remember her exact words, but I know she expressed her anger in quite a colorful array of verbs. Rightfully so.

The last one I lost was a very nice and expensive leather purse I had received for Christmas from her. A few days after I managed to dig out the ol’yearbook again for that photo ID at the BMV, a box came in the mail. Inside was the exact same purse I’d just had stolen and a note from my mother:
“Purses can be replaced. Beautiful daughters such as yourself cannot. Sorry. Love, Mother”

This week I attended a seminar for work and my mother and son joined me for some free vacation time and swimming. One evening as we headed down to swim my mother started to bring her purse with her. I gave her a hard time and she decided she could leave it in the microwave for safe keeping. It eerily reminds me of my grandmother who hid money in an empty coffee tin in the basement. Where do you hide your money?

My love (or obsession) with reality TV shows has hit an all time low. As I was watching “The Girls Next Door” last night I about had a come-apart. Now granted, I realize that this show in particular isn’t the greatest. I mean 3 blonde’s living with some rich 80 year old pimp is really only going to produce one outcome. Ok, maybe two. Boob’s & Bimbo’s.

But I am fascinated by Hefner’s lifestyle and I think it’s because I want to know if he really does have sex with all three girls.

In last night’s episode (because I’m sure you were watching something better) they celebrated Valentine’s Day at the mansion. Mostly with cheap gifts from the Playboy catalog, because Hef gets those things free. The girls even get each other gifts…jewelry, bouquets of socks, homemade cakes…you know the usual things wealthy people get each other.

I just about lost it when two of the girls bought gifts from their dogs and gave them to the other’s dog! What the hell? Not only that but they kept making reference to the two pooches being in love and arranged a golf cart ride around the neighborhood as a date. In the last scene you see the two dogs going into a room together and shutting the door (que hearts on screen). Ick!

The show ended with a lot of naked women at a Mardi Gras party. Now it was bimbo’s, boob’s & butt’s!

For most of the show I was silently asking myself why I was watching this. It’s beyond reality, it’s a ridiculous lifestyle. So now what to do? I guess I’ll have to join my husband and see if those Heroes can save the world, because my bimbo’s can’t even put on their own shoes!

Did you know that your hair down there will turn gray? YIKES! I didn’t until a few weeks ago and it’s had me puzzled ever since. You may remember my recent discovery of gray on top of my head. I’ve since learned to deal with my approaching age of 30.

Then I heard about Betty Beauty and they actually sell products to dye your hair (yeah, down there). Recently, there has been some blog discussions on the topic of what to do with that region of your body - here and here (all by Kristen).

I have to say that the idea of making these short and curlies a lighter color does intrigue me.

Seriously, what’s more embarrassing then having friends over and they go into to use your bathroom only to stare down at those lovely black hairs on the floor. Um…..everyone in our household has light colored hair (up top), so they ALL know where they came from. That’s no secret.

I am not a waxer. Never will be. Trim? Yes. Shave? No. But what if you could actually dye them a different color? It’s an easier solution than installing black tile floors with black grout in your bathrooms. Seems like these days there is a solution for everything.

IS YOURS?

Here is the truth - I hate forwards with a passion! I don’t want to know about the missing kid in Iowa or that Applebee’s is giving out gift cards if you pass along this very e-mail!

Nor do I care about the friendship e-mail chain that says if I don’t pass this along to 10 close friends within 5 minutes I will die a slow and painful death.

This week alone I received a ‘business proposal’ from Hajia Zainab Ali Hassan. She is the wife of Ex-Defense Minister to the Iraqi government and the first cousin to Ex. President Saddam Hussein. (I want to note that she may be the first cousin, but she couldn’t spell his name right.)She wants me to help her invest $18.5 million in the United States. I’m the chosen one! (If you are interested you can e-mail her @ hajiahassan@yahoo.co.nz)

Have you seen this picture of vegetables with faces?

Or maybe this joke has cracked through your inbox. (Ha! I kill me!)

Oh, my all time favorite are the goofy inspirational ones that have music and glittery animated pictures with that pick-me-up message. My family knows me very well and rarely forwards anything to me because they know I won’t open them. My aunt went out on a limb today and sent me this:

Subject: free grill

OK, listen up! As every southerner knows it’s time to get ready for that all important cooking technique of the south—outdoor grilling! I have found several stores (not just in the south) where you can get a FREE Bar-B-Q grill! This is not a joke. You can get a free BBQ grill from any of the following stores:
A&P
Albertson’s
Costco
Food Lion
Fry’s
Kroger
Big Lots
Brookshire’s
Meijer
Publix
Safeway
Sam’s Club
Target
Von’s
Wal-Mart
Winn-Dixie

I especially like the higher shelf which can be used for keeping things warm! Just make sure to get a metal one…the plastic ones don’t do so well when smoking a pig…although they do put up a bunch of smoke!

A free grill? I’m game. So sucker me opened the attachment to find the picture below. My middle name is no longer Fenicle, it’s Gullible. With a capitol G.