You Know You Need A Date With Your Husband When…
What always cracks me up about our “date nights” is that it seems like we have nothing to talk about. You would think a quiet meal that doesn’t include french fries or the words “stop blowing bubbles in your milk” - would allow all sorts of conversation.
Apparently we do not know how to function as a couple anymore. So we sit and stare at each other, then stare at our watches. One of us usually makes the suggestion around dessert time to skip the movie and go home to bed. And by bed, I mean put on our sweatpants and stinky t-shirts and actually sleep.
In honor of The Parent Bloggers offering us a potential date, I will fill in the sentence above. When your bank account has a negative sign in front of it and someone else offers to pay, you’d have to be pretty slow to turn the opportunity down.
You all know what E-Harmony does right? Online match-making. You’ve seen their commercials with Dr. Phil. Now they have a new service of online marriage counseling.
Step #2 is the “marriage action plan” which I hope involves more than instructions. My husband needs a damn map, not a plan!
This kind of virtual counseling will be perfect for those couples whose husband travels on business frequently. Now in between bedding his co-worker, he can participate in online counseling with his wife. Keep them both happy! (So wives beware if you are complaining to your husband and he suggests this program.)
YOU KNOW YOU NEED A DATE WITH YOUR HUSBAND WHEN…..
…the only action your bed gets is from your 4 year old jumping on it.
…you quit taking birth control pills because you couldn’t see paying $40 a month & taking a pill a day FOR NO REASON!
…you threaten to suffocate your husband in his sleep for snoring & you mean it.
…your husband threatens a divorce if you quit taking your Zoloft again.
…your retirement plans include separate bedrooms.
…the terms of endearment you use are in the form of sign language.
…you made fun of “National Bingo Night” being on T.V., but you ended up watching it last Friday night.
It’s also that time again for the May ROFL awards that Metro Mama and Mrs. Chicky graciously host. This go around I had to nominate Oh, The Joys for this post where she makes fun of herself and includes some pretty funny pictures!
My name is Emily. I’m 30 years old. I have often been told that I ask a lot of questions, but I think I have more to say than ask.
Online marriage counseling, huh? Seems like lack of face-to-face communication might be at least a partial reason for the need for counseling, right? I could totally picture the philandering traveling husband using this as a means to keep the wife and the girlfriend, too.
[…] fenicle […]
LOL! No birth control?!! I hope you DON”T win the contest!
You’re the second blog I’ve visited today that needs a date.
So, rumor has it, my husband and I are NEVER having children. Yippe! (However, I must say, good dates sometimes do include French fries.)
Best of luck!
I wasn’t planning on watching National Bingo Night either! Somehow, I got so involved in it that I couldn’t change the channel.
I find it so funny that my husband have nothing to talk about but the toddler and the dog. We definitely need to get out more. *L*
My husband has plenty to talk about…work, work, work, work, work. Then he talks about work some more. I just nod and thank the beer gods that they provide some distraction. Of course, this all happens at home, because our idea of a date is making a Costco run while the kids are school.
That all sounds so familar! Especially the stinky t-shirt part.
(Thanks again for the ROFL… I blush!)
Way to put it all out there!
…the terms of endearment you use are in the form of sign language.
heh. crack me up.
I am right there with you on the pillow over the snoring mans face. ENOUGH already. At least have the decency to move when I kick you, hard, repeatedly in the middle of the night. The whole list made me smile, I guess the sub-title is really, you know you’re getting old when…
I hear you on the snoring. I mean it’s bad enough that my teething babe wakes me up all night, but then I have the dumptruck rattling away next to me. sigh.
Thanks for stopping by my blog!
These are hilarious! I especially LOVE the first one… Our bed gets a lot of that kind of action too. Very funny. Found you via PBN Blog Blast… good luck!
Love the post.. I love the birth control comment.. What is the point, right?
your writing reminds me of erma bombeck, who is way out of your generation. she took nothing seriously and found humor in everything!!!!
love the bed jumping!!!Michael does that too.
Very very funny.
Snicker. Snort. Bingo Night on TV? LOL!! I fell asleep watching baseball last night — and my team was winning! By one run! Not even snoring could wake me.
Things are about the same at my house. The sad part is that I don’t have a problem with it….my husband can’t go 3 sec without sex….I could go about 3 YEARS. Date night to me doesn’t NEED to end w/sex….just GET OFF ME and LET ME SLEEP! The IDEAL Date Night for me would involve the hubby actually EMPTYING THE DISHWASHER without having to be told 19 times. Ok, my post is ALL over the place…I need more coffee.
Hey, my husband and I use the exact same sign language!
I’ve been really enjoying reading everyone else’s take on this blog blast.
Awwwww {{{Emily}}}
My hubby and I used to have the same issues. 20+ years of marriage and raising 4 kids left very little time for us. When we first became empty nesters we were truly at a loss on what to talk about. We realized that all the folks who warned us to not lose touch with one another were on target. It took us awhile but we found a way to reconnect. I hope you and the hubby do too.
My husband and I don’t have children but still have those dinners out that involve 70% observation of others (also known as bitching about the people around us) 15% silence and 15% proper conversation. I think our problem is we are just very bitchy! We love it!
Oh, I am SOOOOOOOO with you on the snoring. There are nights when I’m tempted not only to roll Hubs over, but onto the floor.
(Mine also freaked out when I contemplated weaning myself off my “uplifting” pills.