What always cracks me up about our “date nights” is that it seems like we have nothing to talk about. You would think a quiet meal that doesn’t include french fries or the words “stop blowing bubbles in your milk” - would allow all sorts of conversation.

Apparently we do not know how to function as a couple anymore. So we sit and stare at each other, then stare at our watches. One of us usually makes the suggestion around dessert time to skip the movie and go home to bed. And by bed, I mean put on our sweatpants and stinky t-shirts and actually sleep.

In honor of The Parent Bloggers offering us a potential date, I will fill in the sentence above. When your bank account has a negative sign in front of it and someone else offers to pay, you’d have to be pretty slow to turn the opportunity down.

You all know what E-Harmony does right? Online match-making. You’ve seen their commercials with Dr. Phil. Now they have a new service of online marriage counseling.

Step #2 is the “marriage action plan” which I hope involves more than instructions. My husband needs a damn map, not a plan!

This kind of virtual counseling will be perfect for those couples whose husband travels on business frequently. Now in between bedding his co-worker, he can participate in online counseling with his wife. Keep them both happy! (So wives beware if you are complaining to your husband and he suggests this program.)

YOU KNOW YOU NEED A DATE WITH YOUR HUSBAND WHEN…..

…the only action your bed gets is from your 4 year old jumping on it.

…you quit taking birth control pills because you couldn’t see paying $40 a month & taking a pill a day FOR NO REASON!

…you threaten to suffocate your husband in his sleep for snoring & you mean it.

…your husband threatens a divorce if you quit taking your Zoloft again.

…your retirement plans include separate bedrooms.

…the terms of endearment you use are in the form of sign language.

…you made fun of “National Bingo Night” being on T.V., but you ended up watching it last Friday night.

It’s also that time again for the May ROFL awards that Metro Mama and Mrs. Chicky graciously host. This go around I had to nominate Oh, The Joys for this post where she makes fun of herself and includes some pretty funny pictures!