We Almost Didn’t Make It Out
We spent some holiday time, as we do every 4th, with my husband’s family up North. It’s like falling into a large hole and not being able to climb back out. You feel as though you’re sinking in quicksand with every family member interaction. A typical conversation includes some pessimistic attitude topped with a little blaming the government for the ruins of the world.
Sounds fun uh? I’m really unsure how these people function on a daily basis. They can’t make decisions. Ever. We’re talking about the decision of where to eat dinner - not life altering. My FIL looks for reassurance and someone to validate his feelings every time he speaks.
It’s actually a neat town with many lakes, shops and quaint houses. There are a lot of outdoor activities and places to visit. So while the scenery is always nice, the company isn’t.
We stay with his father because there is much more room in their house. But the issue always arises that his wife smokes. A lot. Inside. So we devised a plan. About a week prior to arrival we told them that our son was having asthma/allergy issues and the doctor had suggested we keep him away from any smoke until he was tested in a few weeks. Sounds believable right?
They accepted the news with some degree of hesitation, but compliance in that they’d be sure to “air” out the house and she’d smoke outside during our visit. Perfect.
Oh, we paid dearly for this little scheme. They didn’t have their air-conditioning on the entire time we were there. Granted it was pretty cool around 2 a.m., but at 2 p.m. it reached 90 degrees.
Despite all the “fresh air” the stale smell still lingered. My husband’s solution was to buy a gallon of Febreze and spray their entire house. It was a pretty noticeable linen fresh scent too. I’m fairly certain it didn’t go unnoticed either. One afternoon while our MIL was talking in the yard to some neighbor friends and we were sitting out on their deck eating lunch, something was said quietly. The two neighbors turned and looked up at us saying, “Oh no they didn’t!” Can you say awkward?
At least we left there and returned home not smelling like we’d been hanging out in some tavern all week. Now if we can only get the image of his step-mom’s “unmentionables” hanging on the line.
We visited with my SIL for the first time in several years. Her and the 4 illegitimate kid’s from 4 dead-beat dads. Always interesting drama going on there. Her branches don’t quite go all the way to the top…if you know what I mean. Those kid’s are way too cute to be hers! There is also the view we had of her crack burned in our minds.
Now I’m off to spend some time with my family. On a boat. In the woods. Camping. What was I thinking planning this kind of vacation?
1. I hate smokers. Every person in my whole family smokes…and nasty cigarettes. I tell them how much it bothers me. And I come home and reeeek like smoke and even a leather purse with the zipper closed inside a closed–all the things inside my bag, my wallet, etc. smell like smoke for days and weeks.
It’s rude and it’s a habit that just needs to stop! Who NEEDS to smoke anymore…really!
2. That crack! I’ve seen enough freaking thongs hanging out of people’s jeans. Sickening. When I went to Lollapalooza last year I saw sweaty grimey butt crack. This one thinks she’s cute with the bow–nope. It’s not.
3. I’m really sorry that you had to experience this hell.
your FIL and my MIL sound like they would get along famously… she spends most of her time questioning other people’s decisions, making them rethink everything… between the two of them they’d end up dead because neither could decide whether to use the window or the door to leave when the house was on fire!
Those pictures made my day. I think I love you and your sense of humour. We would SO get along.
Oh you have my sympathy! Smokers are the worst. it gets into everything. I applaud your creative asthma approach. As for the images of underwear, at least your SIL has cuter undies. But neither of those are images we really need. LOL
Good luck camping. I love camping!!!
Can’t… Stop… Laughing.
How did you get pictures of all of THAT — you are a good little operative. You should go to spy camp or something!
I’m feeling your pain, we leave soon for a 2-week vacation with the in-laws.
I WANT TO VENT LIKE THIS! Why did I give my entire crazy family my url?
Howling, I’m howling here.
L O L
I’m soooo sorry.
I’ve never seen the thong/panty combo before…how many pairs of panties was she actually wearing?
I’ll admit, I came back to see more ass crack.
And, to let you know that I just gave you a blog award. Come check it out!
I think we are on the same vacation! Seriously, my in-laws are JUST LIKE THAT, even down to the SIL.
What WERE we thinking???
Well the good news is we did indeed survive! And I survived a weekend camping with my family as well. More stories on that adventure to follow….
And I am not sure how many pairs of panties my SIL was wearing??? Her branches don’t go all the way to the top.
dear god in heaven, i feel your pain. that g-string thing, EW!