To Have and To Return…From This Day Forward
There is a guy my husband works with who is getting married (for the second time). He and his ex-wife were almost divorced when the young woman he was dating got pregnant. They have since had the baby and are now ready to walk down the aisle.
When I asked my husband about their upcoming wedding, he laughed and stated that they were registering for items and planning to return them for cash. I was puzzled. They included a note card that said they were registered at Target and when I looked online they had certainly registered for what looked like reasonable items.
When we were married (October 7, 2000) we had one bridal shower (with mostly my family). Having both lived for several years in apartments at college, we had a lot of items newly married couples ask for. Granted they didn’t all match, but they worked. For our wedding we ended up deciding that the focus shouldn’t be on gifts. We were celebrating with family and friends that we felt fortunate to have in our lives. Instead we asked that if they felt the need to give something, that they make a donation to a local charity that provides children with Christmas.
I admit, it wasn’t my idea, it was my mom’s. Who were we to argue? After all, they were paying for the wedding and had given us the freedom to choose and plan most of what we wanted. It was a beautiful, simple wedding. Nothing fancy, but yet it felt like an elegant evening.
That idea was met with some resistance. Many guests felt the need to both donate to the charity and give us a small gift, which was fine. I can remember only returning one item that we received - a George Foreman Grill - because we already had one. Although it wasn’t for cash, I believe we exchanged it for something else.
Personally I rarely use gift registries to buy gifts. Whether it be for a wedding or a baby. My biggest reason is it’s no fun. I know you register for things you need and getting a bunch of duplicate or useless items is basically worthless. BUT…I don’t like you telling me what to buy for you and then knowing the price.
So is this the new thing to do? Register for items you don’t want or need, but hope people will buy so you can return them for cash? Shouldn’t they just come out and ask for cash? I know it’s tacky, but you’re just wasting the guests time.
I agree, especially if you are registering for specific items. Why not just ask for gift cards?
I personally like gift registries - although I would never be upset if someone didn’t use one I had set up and it wouldn’t stop me going ‘off piste’ if I wanted to give something that wasn’t on the registry. But it had never occurred to be that someone would be so mercanery as to return gift registry gifts for cash. As you and flutter say, why not just ask for cash or vouchers? At least then the guests won’t feel duped? Surely someone will notice if they visit and the gift they bought is not there??
I hate returning items…period. And “for cash”? How is this possible? Every thing we got that was a double had to be in store credit. I think gifts that people want in “cash” should go towards some fund like a savings account for a mortgage or a honeymoon fund rather than just asking for cash. But, seriously…who doesn’t need some of the main items you ask for to start your family on the right page? I think it’s a little tasteless that he even told your husband that he was going to return the items for cash.
Is that wedding photo yours? It’s beautiful.
I beleive in sentiment… and gifts… I always remember who gave me what and when I pull out a platter or use a glass… I think of the person who gave it to me…. And I am grateful…
But the couple you describe are missing out on something that is truly beautiful… a gift given from the heart…
that seems like a giant pain in the ass. returning gifts. why would someone WANT to do that?????
My son and his girlfriend of 4 yrs. (they have an almost 3 yr. old daughter) are getting married in September. They have registered at Macy’s and Kohl’s. They have also registered at a website called Honeyluna.com where you can ask for specific items for your honeymoon! Some of the things on their honeyluna registry are: 4 jet ski rentals, tickets for 2 to Disney (they are going to FL for the hm), tickets for 2 to Busch Gardens, a days car rental paid for, etc. Now doesn’t that just take the cake? I personally think it’s tacky. Pay for your own honeymoon.
She is also having 3 bridal showers! They’ve been living together for 3+ yrs. They have everything (and the credit card debt to show for it!). I looked at their registries. They are asking for big ticket items. Crystal stemware, real china, real silver. I can already picture it lying broken on the kitchen floor after one of their usual arguments.
The wedding is a big church wedding with a sit down dinner at a country club afterward. I’ve been told that her parents have shelled out in the neighborhood of $16,000.00 for the wedding. I just have to shake my head and wonder if they’ve lost their minds?? My son and the gf fight like cats and dogs, break up every few months, are terribly immature, etc. If this marriage lasts 2 years I’ll be shocked. No way would I spend that kind of money on a wedding for a couple who get along the way they do. Our stance was you’ve been living together for almost 4 yrs., you already have a child…why must there be all this extravagance? And at everyone else’s expense? They’re adults…pay for your own wedding.
Can you tell I’m having a hard time with this? Sorry to vent on your blog, Emily.
For the couple you mentioned…I’d buy them a gift card to a grocery store. Value $15.00. But I’m a bitch like that
Ok, I have to say that I’m shocked by what Poppy revealed. You can actually contribute to their honeymoon by buying them tickets to stuff??? Holy Cow! Although I guess really it’s no different than giving them cash and them using it towards their honeymoon.
JailDiet ~ why yes that is a picture of our wedding. It was a great, simple wedding. Loved it!
Pendullum ~ I also like giving gifts from the heart. I treasure things people give us for any occasion.
I’m on the fence as to what to get this couple. I am tempted to get something extremely ugly just to see their reaction.
Although I draw the line at the Honeymoon gift registry, I do have to say that I had 6 showers before my first wedding. Welcome to the Deep South. It was considered rude not to register for big ticket items in addition to smaller items. People want a choice, I was told. And when we didn’t register for a silver pattern because I have my grandmother’s silver, my mother actually got calls from a couple of ladies who only gave silver for wedding presents. Sterling silver. There were people who thought nothing of spending a few hundred dollars on a wedding gift. The culture is different in different areas of the country.
If we had returned the gifts we received for cash, we made a sizable down payment on a house. But that. Is what people did where I grew up. And I can tell you who gave me each of the wedding gifts that I kept in the divorce and why they are part of my life. Except the crystal. It all looks alike.
Okay. Enough defense of we over gifted ones.
I would get the couple something on a great clearance from Marshalls or TJ Maxx and don’t include a gift receipt. Let them figure out what to do with it. A boring pot or picture frame comes to mind. As cheap as you can get it.
Registering for gifts which you plan to return for cash IS pretty tacky…but I have to admit that I love buying off of registries — especially when they are online. But, give me a break, I work with about 40 nurses of childbearing age — and they are all bearing children pretty regularly. Thank God for BabysRUs online!
Lately, I’ve been wishing that my family members would stop giving us crap for birthdays and Xmas. I just don’t have any room for any more things. And I like picking out my own things…
I’m just an old grouch.