Guest Post courtesy of Tiff @ Jail Diet

The brand new Charmin Ultra Diamond Weave commercials have gotten completely out of hand.

It’s enough seeing a bear going to the bathroom behind a tree and asking his fellow bear parent to basically “spare a square,” but this commercial takes it to a place I’d never expect…

Setting: Two bears in the forest.

Characters: The same old Charmin bears. One parent bear. The smaller companion bear.

Dilemma: There’s toilet paper stuck to the smaller bears bottom.

The story unfolds as such:
The larger bear first swats at the smaller bears bootie with a harsh-bristle broom. The toilet paper lint remains. In fact, lots of lint—so much lint that I believe the bear is a white bottom-skinned baboon. The larger bear then scrubs at the smaller bears butt with a steel-wool looking scrubbie.

Still, toilet paper shards are stuck to the bum of the bear.

Unsatisfied, the larger bear resorts to vacuuming the smaller bears ass.

Word to the wise: If you just use Charmin Ultra Diamond Weave you won’t be at risk for walking around with T.P. stuck to your bootie.

I have one question: Does anyone check his/her bum for toilet paper after using the bathroom? So much so that you need a partner in the bathroom with you to swat off the lint?

Who is this advertising “genius” that uses the old saying, “Does a bear poop in the woods?” and takes it to a whole-‘nother-level by translating it literally to having bears vacuuming lint off their companion’s furry bum?

Who is this advertising “genius” that thinks we consumers want to see blue ink dribbled down a piece of toilet paper to show us the amount of body fluids that we WON’T get on our hands?

Call me a prude, but these metaphors seem equally graphic as showing “the real deal.”

However, THIS link takes it another step grosser…Bears in a taxi cab. They get out at Times Square. The sign says, “You’re in New York. Go in Style.”

Get it? “Go” in style? Disgusting!