Being The Perfect In-Law
Guest Post courtesy of my Mother
I have been a voyageur on the blogs for somewhere around almost a year. I admit to commenting on a few and watching the struggles and comedic actions of others. However there is one word/phrase/position that has not crossed my eyes. The word is “mother-in-law.”
With living together before marriage and the single lifestyle being the norm, has this term gone the way? What happened to all of these wicked witches?
My first mother-in-law, had she lived a longer life and the marriage lasted, would have prevented me from entering the eternal gates of heaven. She lived over fifty miles away and contact was scattered, but I always thought that no matter what I did on this earth God would never forgive me for how I felt about that woman.
At the age of forty you would have thought that in marrying for the second time, one would be more wise and realize that with this man also comes his mother. Over ten years have passed and it almost is a repeat performance. I often wonder if mother-in-law number two is not guiding my stars. Never have I fitted in with this woman who is loved by the rest of the world. There have been times when she almost acted like I was the one married to her son.
So after almost fourteen years of marriage, I have informed my husband that I have retreated. Given up. I’ve surrendered to the fact that she is never going to accept the the person married to her son. No words, no burying the hatchet, just a final resolve that this person has never and will never be a true mother-in-law to me.
As a result I have dedicated myself to being the best mother-in-law to my daughter’s husband that I can be. I am careful to watch the intrusions in their life and offer help when asked. I keep my influence to a very minimum.
One thing I forgot to add - my mother-in-law from husband number two recently went to live with her first daughter-in-law. On second thought maybe not being the favorite daughter-in-law was a blessing……
A-MEN!
My MIL cannot stand me, and I’ve more or less given up as well. We’re just such different people (my mantra is “wrong or different” when conflicting opinions appear - her approach is that the world is wrong if it disagrees with her, even in the eyes of reputable things like physics) and it just isn’t worth the struggle anymore.
It’s good to know it can happen to others and not just me.
My own MIL is dead — and I am surprisingly OK with that. I try to be a great MIL too - it’s made much easier when you have a great SIL though, isn’t it?
Your mother is a riot!!! I have loved reading about her & reading her guest post. I hope to hear more from her soon!! (Maybe even some stories about you Emily)
I understand this post too well. Not only do I not get along with my MIL, my husband doesn’t get along with his MIL (my mom). It’s so tiring and time-consuming to be stepping on eggshells all the time.
Sigh.
my inlaws are scared of me. so they are nice to me to my face and talk shit about me behind my back. it’s a GREAT relationship…..
I can so identify with this post. You totally nailed it. It’s so exhausting and I have surrendered.
Strangly enough, my 1st MIL and I got on better than my exe and I. Still, stayed together 20 years. My present wife’s mom died several years ago and we got along great as well. I do have a sis-in-law I’m VERY willing to part with though. Anybody want her??
I love your mom.
Guest posts rock! My relationship with my Mil started out rocky but is pretty strong now. I am one of the lucky ones i think (so is my husband since my mum is THE BEST. Shut up, I am NOT biased!!!).
I get along great with my MIL. I think it helps that she is rather…um, maybe eccentric would be a good word, so I find her amusing. She was out this weekend and we teased her endlessly about her last visit involving her accidental theft of my neighbor’s cat.
I am lucky (?) in that my ex’s mother and I have a fairly decent relationship, but I am possibly in a stronger role than her due to the fact that I speak better English in and English speaking country and know the rules and protocols of getting through the systems that she requires now her health is not what it should be.
My partner’s mother is on the other side of the world and thinks I am wonderful because I love her son and make him happy.
I think that is all any in-law can ask, really.
You are very brave letting someone else, even your mom, post on your blog!
(I’m just kidding… great post!)
thankfully, i am so happy to say that i LOVE my mother in law. we can have conversations about things my own mother and i can’t talk about–won’t talk about.
my husband’’s brother’s wife…now that is another story.
My mother in law is evil. But it is teach how not to behave when my now 2.5 year old son gets married.
MIL’s are tricky business. I’m okay with mine-we get along fine as you please. But HE doesn’t get along with her- so that makes it weird at times. But he loves his MIL- so I guess the whole in-law business is working out for us.
Your post was so funny I laughed alone, out loud…..I had one wonderful father in law and mother in law with my first husband in 1964…my second was like yours, I could never win..however, my third marriage my husband’s parents are deceased. However, he does have two brothers and their families hate me…. luckily my step daughters (all three) love me and i love them…that would be tough..the others who gives a care…
This is a marvelous post..good luck and hope to hear from you again…
Dorothy from grammology
call your grandma…
ps I love fenicle’s posts…….she is great….