Do Couples Date Anymore?
A good friend I work with is about to adopt a newborn next week. She’s been asking for advice on handling the transition from a couple to a family.
I’m not sure I can even remember how my husband and I went from two to three, but no matter how much people tell you that your life is about to change it won’t sink in until it actually happens.
You are so used to doing things together and now everything you plan for will involve an additional person by your side. And that additional person requires a lot of gear just to go to the grocery. Your individuality becomes intertwined with this new being and it’s easy to forget that before this branch grew, you and your spouse were the trunk of this family tree.
It didn’t take us long to realize that it was important for our family (and sanity) that we continue to have a separate relationship where we didn’t refer to each other as “mommy” and “daddy.” A dinner out where we were not cutting up someone’s meat or digging spare Cheerios out of the diaper bag, was needed.
When I mentioned this piece of advice to her she acted offended. I wasn’t suggesting they leave their newborn every other night to go out partying. Just be sure to make time together that didn’t involve the responsibility of a baby, so they could have a conversation or just sit in silence (which little do they know will be hard to come by soon).
Do couples date anymore? My husband and I try to go out either by ourselves or with some friends at least once a month if possible. Our son stays with my parents and it’s good for him to gain a little independence away from us and he gets spoiled rotten. A win-win for everyone involved.
I know this couple is very anxious about adopting and stressed about connecting with their child, but over time they will figure out what works best for their relationship and family.
My name is Emily. I’m 30 years old. I have often been told that I ask a lot of questions, but I think I have more to say than ask.
I agree that the couple time is very important, even if it can’t be a real date in the outside world. If all you can do is forget the housework and t.v. and sit and have dinner together (take-out is a great option for this), then that’s what you should set aside a night every so often to do.
Billski and I go out alone for dinner at least once a month, but we try to go more often. Then we just roam around town for awhile. Sometimes we actually have something planned, other times we have just driven around. It’s nice to talk without interruption or to settle a fight.
Great, great post, Emily.
It’s really important for couples with kids to still be a couple and not just a pair of parents. We don’t necessarily go out on dates much, per se, but we try to spend time alone talking and/or watching movies and stuff after our daughter is in bed.
We’re both wanting more “date” type nights, though, so I expect to be seeing a lot more of my MIL in the near future.
everyone has to find their say. we go out alone once a month or so, but we also take a trip just as adults once a year. M gets quality grandparent time and we hit the road for a few days.
Hi there, delurking to say you have an excellent point. This was the first advice my mom gave me as a new mom - take time to nurish my marriage. She comes over 1x a month just so we can go out and be alone. Makes all the difference in the world. One day it will be just the two of us again.
(found you via Much More Than A Mom and think you are fabulous!)
When we adopted our first child, we dated. With the second child, not so much. Part of the difference is that we’ve been married a LONG time, going on 18 years now, and going out to dinner just isn’t as important to us as it once was. A good night for us is to get the kids to bed and lay on our bed and read or work sudoku or stitch in companionable silence.
I think that alone time is essential
It’s hard for us to get out in the evenings, since teenagers think their social life is far to important to spend time watching little brothers, so we sneak out for breakfast a couple of times a month.
Oh, you can’t tell them anything. It’s like the childless have glue in their ears about it all. Then they say, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!!”
You are so right, and they will have to learn on their own. However, somewhere in the back of their minds they will remember your words, and have a date. My daughter and her husband who have children from 4 to 26 try to go out one night a week when possible. Even if it’s just for coffee…to catch up. After 22 years of marriage, I think it’s a marriage saver…you done good girl
Dorothy from grammology
remember to call your grandma
My husband and I do the same thing. At least once a month, go out just us or with another couple. We just spent a weekend away and are planning a night away in dec. You just need it, you know. I felt so great after our weekend away.
We are all about the date night- even if it is just vegging on the couch together, sans Sophie. Then it give you time to reflect on what exactly you did before you had kids- it’s too quiet!