Consistency On All Levels
I went to pick Ethan up from his morning pre-k and he came out crying. Inconsolably crying. While I tried to understand what was wrong, I realized he didn’t have a stamp for the day.
His class has a behavior system where if they keep their butterfly in the sky or on the leaf (which means they had a warning), then they get a stamp at the end of the morning. If the butterfly ends up in the jar (which is time-out), they do not get a stamp.
Ethan’s had some difficulty not acting like a rambunctious 5 year old boy this school year. He doesn’t argue or get into fights with other children. Most of his issues are with talking too much or acting silly. If I had to choose between the two, I’d choose the latter. We certainly do not tolerate physical aggression in our house, so it’s comforting to know he gets along well with the other kids.
After several weeks of coming home day after day without a stamp and hearing his teacher voice her concerns with his recent behavior, we instituted some changes at home. I guess that around age 5 things stop getting handed to you and you have to earn them.
If he does not get a stamp at school that morning, then there is no tv that day. Other things he must earn are dessert and special treats such as getting a slush from Sonic (his favorite).
It seemed to make a difference at first that his behavior at school affected his privileges at home. Lately it’s been pretty patchy with him coming home with a stamp around 2 days a week. We always talk about why he didn’t get a stamp, what behavior got him in trouble and what he can do different the next day.
I will admit that there are times I believe his behavior is just “being a boy,” but I recognize that his teachers are trying to prepare him for kindergarten next year. They are wonderful women with a lot of experience and seem to handle the children with patience and love.
From Ethan’s crying today I gathered that he got in trouble, but he insisted his butterfly was only on the leaf (which would mean when he got in trouble it was his first offense and a warning - which also means he would have received a stamp). I encouraged him to go back inside with me and ask his teacher about it. She explained that they were at gym class and that the same rules that apply in their classroom, do not apply in the gym. So his warning was really a time-out, which is why he did not earn a stamp today.
Ethan was devastated and frankly confused. Since he knew he only got in trouble one time then in his mind it was a warning, because that is what comes first and he was fully expecting stamp.
I admit that I am no parenting or educational expert, but does this sound reasonable to you? That a 5 year old would understand this reasoning? Not only that, but this is the same teacher that originally suggested we use consistency between school and home in rules and consequences.
Am I being over-sensitive or over-protective? I just do not see the consistency in changing the consequences because they changed locations.
Man it’s tough supporting school rules, especially if we don’t necessarily understand them or think they’re fair.
Are you being a little sensitive? Maybe. It’s hard to see our child upset. It’s especially hard on our child when he/she realizes that they’re going to have to once again suffer consequences at home for behavior that happened at school. They often don’t understand why what they do at school impacts what happens at home. Very much like having behavior at gym affect his reward in class. They are after all different places.
I think you followed the absolute correct course of action by going back inside with him so his teacher got the opportunity to explain not only to him but to you the process that eliminated his sticker for the day.
The only thing I might have done differently is ask her if the kids had had the differences in rules thoroughly explained to them. I’m sure they were explained…but it may have been helpful to Ethan to have her give him a bit of a refresher.
Just a thought…I would think the rules in gym are very likely to be much different than in regular class. The gymnasium environment can be dangerous if certain rules are not explicitly followed. If Ethan was “being a boy”, a bit too rambunctious, that may have been enough to put him in time out. If you’re still having problems understanding the loss of the sticker you may want to speak to the gym teacher for clarification of what Ethan did that carried that consequence.
It’s also hard to see our children disciplined for behavior that doesn’t seem all that big a deal to us. There is a time and a place for all behaviors and the classroom is not the place for horseplay and goofing off. School is so much different than it was years ago.
Schools have definitely adopted a zero tolerance policy on rule breaking among other things. I think one of the reasons is that there are so many kids who aren’t taught to respect authority figures and to listen to them and I think that has brought about a crack down across the board. At least that is what I’ve noticed in recent yrs. in our schools.
I hope Ethan has better days ahead and no more butterflies in jars
I think it seems a little bit inconsistent on their part…but maybe a good lesson for Ethan that sometimes life isn’t fair!!
By the way, I think you’re just being a mom
But I do see your point!
Well, as a teacher I’d have either given him a time out or a stamp because there’s no way a child that age is going to understand that.
As a mom, I’d be hurt but I’d support what the teacher said even though it would be really hard to keep my mouth shut (as usual).
As Anne said, sometimes life isn’t fair, and that sucks.
I TOTALY supported the teacher and explained to Ethan that when they are out of the classroom the rules must be different because there are a lot of kids to keep track of, they are expected to be on their best behavior, etc…
I just couldn’t help but question the consistency. Hope it doesn’t seem like I’m whining!!
I dunno, I was confused and I am well beyond pre-K.
I have read a number of the posts you have made on this subject of the discipline in his school, and everytime it kind of bothers me. It just seems like so much for a 4 year old to deal with. As well as being hurtful to his little heart and maybe embarrassing for them. (is this sky/leaf thing a chart on the wall? I hope not, because it can be very shaming for a child) Yes our kids need to learn appropriate behavior for the different environments they are in, but he is a 4 year old boy and it is extremely difficult for them to be ‘on’ all day long.
I think it is really great that you are teaching him about respect by supporting the teachers and that you are being so consistant. It must be difficult to do, especially when you disagree with it.
I’m with Mrs. Chicken…I don’t understand what happened, either. Did he get a time-out in gym? If so, and if this was going to affect his getting a sticker for the day, why wouldn’t the butterfly just go in the jar like it does for classroom timeouts? It does seem like the school should have more consistency with its rules on consequences than this seems to demonstrate.
I also don’t understand. I can see normal infractions keeping to the rules but if something was dangerous or egregious getting a different consequence, and I understand rules varying from classroom to gym.
But I don’t think I understand what happened so I’m not sure how to reply.
It sounds like you handled it well though.
Julie
Using My Words
SOMETIMES TEACHERS JUST DON’T KNOW WHEN TO QUIT. WHEN THEY GET OLDER THEIR PATIENCE IS NOT THERE ANYMORE AND THEY CONTINUE TO TEACH. AS A RESULT YOU FIND WHAT HAPPENED TODAY. I SUBSTITUTE AND SEE LOTS OF TEACHERS AND LOTS OF SITUATIONS. MOST OF THEM HAVE BEEN THERE TO LONG AND NEED TO FIND OTHER WORK. THE TEACHER ISN’T ALWAYS RIGHT!!!!!
I don’t get that either!
We kind of deal with this a bit too - it’s hard to be consistent at home and daycare.
We kind of observe some rules and not others. And, we make exceptions because it’s hard to be good all the time.
And … like you said some of it is just normal boy behaviour.
it’s tough.
You know I have four, going on 5, boys. My oldest did go to school through half of 2nd grade. After reading a million studies and examining the research I came to the conclusion school just wasn’t for us.
I’m not saying take him out! Just letting you know my perspective.
Five year old boys can’t be “perfect” all the time. It is not possible. They need to laugh, a run, and play.
The modern school-day offers way too little outlets for natural, God given, boy energy.
My assesment-
Punish him if he is ugly, disrespectful or defiant at school. That would be a charactor issue.
I wouldn’t punish him for being a boy, even if it is a hassle for the teacher.
She’s not teaching HOUSECATS, she is teaching kids!
~steps down off the soapbox~
Have a great weekend, Hot Stuff!
Love, Alli
What you are describing is right at the heart of why I ended up homeschooling 4 kids. I KNEW without a doubt that Jacob was NOT going to go to school and sit there like a little robot. He had spent far too many years being rambunctious and funny and talkative to suddenly be made to not do those things.
I knew he was not about to change his behavior and would end up being labled a trouble maker and getting negative remarks — and he was much too precious for that. I’ve never regretted that decision even once.
I hope this woman doesn’t make him dread school.
Seems like a load of crap to me. Why have a different rule? Stupid.
I don’t get it either. I do feel that the whole system is a tad harse for a 5 year old? But then again things are SO different here in South Africa, so it is really difficult to judge.
I used to teach first grade. And I have kids of my own. So I can see it both ways. Consistency is so important for kids. But teachers (and parents) should always allow for exceptions. There are times when a student (or my own child) has broken a rule that warranted such-and-such a punishment. But on further discussion with them I realized more of what was going on and made an exception.
But I made sure they understood what was going on and why.
There are certain things that warrant punishment and certain things that require grace.
Blessings,
K
I think you are responding as any mom would when her child is visibly upset about something that happened at school. As a teacher, I applaud you for taking him back in and allowing the teacher to try explaining the situation. I would have just given him a warning, considering the rules she has stated for her classroom, regardless of where the problem occurred.
Just try to remember, there are usually these rules that have to be enforced at school because of all the possible situations that could occur with the children. Most teachers are trying to protect all the children, not limit the child’s need to be a child. Imagine a entire room full of children all acting a little “wild” at the same time - it could be dangerous, not to mention impossible to get anything done. We have a lot of pressures to prepare the children for the next grade - just like you stated.
You sound like a a great mom with a great kid - and I think you handled it just as you should! Kids are resilient, he will recover and you will continue to teach him how to handle things that aren’t always fair!!
Lately with everything I’ve heard about schools and my daughters younger kids…I have very little faith in most school systems. I’m so sorry your son has to suffer such criticism. I think his age to young to be putting up with that crap.
Home school is sounding better and better by the post. Or private school if there is one in your area…with more compassionate teachers..
Good luck with your choices.
Dorothy from grammology
call gram
I don’t get the different “gym rules”. Why should it matter where you happen to be located at the time? Give the kid a frickin sticker.
Dorothy,
He’s actually in a pre-k program that is attached to a private K-8 school.
Our son is in K this year and so far I’ve seen quite a few inconsistencies. My original plan was to homeschool but at the same time I really wanted to focus on my business so I chose to send him to public school. I’m still thinking of homeschooling him next year due to issues that we have experienced already this year.
Here’s a different idea. If your son seems a bit rambunctious, watch what he is eating. Maybe cut back on the sugar, including what he drinks–juice still has a lot of sugar.
First time reader here, so I have no idea what I’m talking about. I do have 2 awesome kiddies, so I guess I’m not completely clueless. Good luck though.
Good point davido! Although we try to balance our meals and make sure he gets his fruits & veggies…I know he does he sugary snacks. He’s a big milk & water drinker, which is good. We’ll try to watch what he has at breakfast more.