Punished
Why is it when we are hurting, we punish those around us?
My brother has had a lifetime of hurt inside and rarely lets anyone in. He’s experiencing a down time, but it certainly isn’t something he can’t turn around.
His personality thrives on down times though. Instead of using the negative to fuel his motivation to change things, he uses it to justify his mood.
Life is never going to be perfect for him, but he could find happiness if he would recognize all that he has going for him.
God knows no one has tried harder to be his constant support than my mother. She has gone above and beyond for him, and been his cheerleader through the good times and the bad. That is a tough thing to do when the person you believe in has all but given up on themselves.
Despite everything she has given, he decided not to show for her birthday dinner tonight. It angers me that controls her feelings like a puppet-master, deciding when she can feel happy and relieved, and when she should be sad and worried.
I’ve seen the good within him and it’s absolutely beautiful. I feel like he’s missing something within his heart that would give him a sense of peace.
How do you help a person realize they are their own worst enemy?
If he is suffering from any kind of depression, he can’t help what he does. Even when he wants too. If his mood swings are good and bad, and you love him when he’s good, thats who he is. The other is the man he has no control of. Help him get counseling..thats the gift you can give him. Depression will self destruct it’s a matter of time. Good luck, as there aren’t many good counselors out there. So do your homework and catch him on a good day. I’ll be praying for you.
Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram
I’m so sorry that he did this. It’s amazing as moms how much control we give our children over our feelings. I hope your mom was able to enjoy her dinner even without him there. How did you cooking turn out?
I don’t know if you can teach anyone anything that they aren’t ready to learn.
I have met a few people who have such a deep belief in their own martyrdom that they can’t escape. I hope your brother isn’t one of those.
oh, sister. i don’t think we can. i think we just have to be willing to meet them halfway when they are finally ready.
i am sorry you are hurting.
is he on any kind of medication? It sounds like he may have a chemical imbalance, which, is no excuse to be a jerk, but he may need some help.
It’st he worst to know that he can be great and then turns on a dime.
I don’t know, friend. That sounds hard.
Happy Birthday to your mom!
I agree with Dorothy- he needs to find his way to a good counselor. People who are in pain lash out. I also truly believe that you cannot help someone who doesn’t want or cannot recognize the need to help themselves.
You can’t help him. He needs to help himself. And a lot of depressed or mentally ill people never find the inner resources to make their way out of it. But I do know from experience that wanting change for someone cannot make it so. Hopefully your Mom will learn to hang just a little bit less on his branch. Doesn’t mean she loves him less, it just means the love is unconditional and comes from a place apart from his moods, a place that accepts his darkness.
I wish I knew the answer. I know a few people who could use that information in my life.
I’m so sorry to hear that your brother has chosen not to be present for your Mom’s birthday. I can only imagine how she must feel…even if she tries to put a good face on it, it must hurt her down inside.
Try not to let his decision put a damper on the enjoyment of this day~
The only thing you can do is sit them down and, if they’ll hear it, tell them…. I’m sorry I don’t have a better answer!
Perhaps this will date me, but so be it.
In the cartoon Rainbow Brite there were these two storm clouds called Murkey and Lurkey. It’s clear that they couldn’t be happy with themselves unless they were raining on someone else’s parade (or rainbow, I should say).
But, remember rain brings the rainbows…
Sorry to hear about him not showing up for your mother’s birthday and using his Murkey/Lurkey attitude to gather attention. It’s odd why someone would choose to drown himself in the half-empty glass. Beats me!
Emily, I feel for you. I have an aunt that over the years has seemed to thrive on the negative. She is doing better, but at times it is difficult to be around her. Unfortunately, when some constantly whines and bring you down; why would you want to be around them.
I have also known people who weren’t happy unless bad things were happening in their life; strange but true. You just have to learn to take the good with the bad and pray they come around; one day.
Take care and remember, it didn’t just upset your mother, you were upset by it too. Just keep on loving him and that will eventually help. I hope I didn’t just ramble.
Wow, that’s a tough situation. I wish I had some wise words for you.