A White Coat Doesn’t Define You
I’ve been around a lot of doctors. All different kinds and specialties. Young, old, professional, unprofessional, humble and complete jackasses. I can tell from the moment they walk into the room whether or not they will be worth the co-pay. Of course, there are those who are so intelligent they can not communicate with you. And there are also doctors you cannot understand, because learning the English language is not required to get a medical license in the U.S.
My least favorite doctor was a general surgeon who helped fix my internal injuries. While in ICU they would do grand rounds 2-3 times a week and the entire medical team working on me would stand in my room and talk about me. After the first week I was fully awake and able to participate and ask questions. This older doctor did not believe I should be allowed to participate in the discussion of my own body and asked a nurse to give me a sedative before the next grand rounds - right in front of me. I was on a lot of drugs at the time and I remember telling him to go somewhere…not sure where? I just remember the nurse busted out laughing.
After the car accident I was assigned a new doctor in our area who was the chief orthopedic trauma surgeon at the hospital I was taken to. He was a good doctor and a nice man. His bedside manner was probably one of the best I have experienced and I was surprised, because given the life and death situations he’s faced over the years it had not hardened him.
In a small hospital waiting room he told my husband that my worst injury was to my elbow. His expectations were that I would never be able to feed myself with that arm or bend it, but he wasn’t giving up. While I was still in ICU unable to move anything from the waist down, he had a therapist in my room everyday working with that arm. Then, he had a special machine flown in that constantly moved my elbow back and forth to get the joint working. He didn’t accept his own diagnosis and because of that I am able to use that arm.
I spent many hours with him in the operating room during the first year of rehabilitation and many more office visits. (I’m pretty sure we made a few of his house payments as well!) It reached a point in my recovery that he explained there wasn’t much more he could do for me. It wasn’t what he said, but how he said it that made the sting burn a little less. He took the time in his busy schedule to offer me his apologies that modern medicine has only advanced so far. He went on to apologize for the circumstances that had led me to him.
I found it ironic that the man who had helped fix me was apologizing for why I was broken. He was gentle and he was sensitive, but more importantly he did not lie and promise me a full recovery. Instead he encouraged me to take advantage of any treatments available.
This week the ankle specialist he referred me to dropped me. He bluntly stated there was nothing more he do for me. This doctor offered no encouragement, but instead painted a rather bleak picture of what my life will be like. He offered no hope and only stated his view on what I will or won’t be capable of. Instead he sent me home with a glorified ice pack and said good luck.
His words stung and the fact he couldn’t look me in the eyes was even more piercing. Little does he know that I would never let his opinions define me, like his actions have defined him.
My name is Emily. I’m 30 years old. I have often been told that I ask a lot of questions, but I think I have more to say than ask.
That white coat will not define you.
Wow. Sorry. I hope you can find a better specialist. How is the infection?
Don’t listen to that white coat fool. You may not been quite the same person as you were but you will be the best you can be. Below is a littly story, it will tell you why I am so certain of this.
My hubby had a massive stroke when he was 49. On a scall of one to five, five being the worst his was classed as a 4. The doctors told me he would never been the man I knew. After two hellish years later for both of us and continuing to this day he is a better, a little bit different man than the one I knew. Anyway to cut a long story short, he didn’t give up ever! He will be 67 on Monday and to look at him and unless you were there, no one would ever know he had had a stroke.
Keep your chin up sweetie, listen to a grandma.
What do you say that we send this to that doctor in the white coat, winter tan, diamond ring and allegator shoes?
Even though my sis had a long-term, chronic condition (MS) she finally gave up on medical doctors completely. She found a sympathetic chiropractor who had an MD in his office to prescribe her any needed meds. Then she just checked out completely. Not for everyone, but I can see why she felt it necessary.
I feel for you, but you’ve certainly got the right attitude. Being somewhat riddled with metalic implants, gained over many years of spent letting Uncle Sam allow me to get too close to loud noises and bright flashes, I’ve rid myself of more docs than I care to think about because of their gloomy outlook on things. The 1st time I got sent to a VA hospital in the 1960s a middle-aged doctor gave me some advice I’ve never forgotten: “You know what hurts, how badly, and what actually helps. They’re just guessing.” He told me he’d been like most of them until a simple bout of gastrointeritis waylaid him with the worst pain he’d ever known. According to him, that was the time he started really listening to patients as he’d treated many cases of it himself and now knew he’d had no clue as to the true suffering. Go get yourself a REAL ankle doctor.
I’m sure that you’ll find someone better. Don’t let that one idiot get you down.
I can tell Emily that you are ready to take on whatever you need to in order to recover. I know at times it is difficult, but overall you have a great attitude and with so many family and friends caring for you; how can you not get better?
You will never be the same, that is true. Even if you hadn’t had these terrible injuries, you would still have been changed just by the sheer fact you had a car accident. Keep on keeping on and no matter what you will get through it!
As far as that doctor; well I had one of those last year. I have issues with ovarian cysts and saw this gyno who basically told me if I wasn’t going to take birth control pills there wasn’t anything he could do for me. Well, sorry dude; I am not putting those darn pills in my system at age 37 and run the risk of a stroke. I have never handled BC pills well anyway and I have had a hysterectomy….I never went back!
There are other ways of dealing with the pain.
Take care
so very very true. it’s amazing at how little or giant your medical problem may be, the right doctor won’t give up hope, will do the worrying for you, and find a nice and relaxing way to treat you.
so glad you had that doctor during your rehibilitation! and so sorry to hear that this ankle doctor is a jackass.
Sorry that your doctor is a jerk. My sister who has M.S. always tells me that doctors are full of s*#t, don’t know what they’re doing and are just guessing at what is wrong and what might help - which is why they call it “PRACTICING” I think she’s right. Don’t give up on finding help. They’re are a lot of great alternative medicines too - don’t rule them out because they have helped millions of people. I know because I’m one of them. I hope you can find something that will work for you and someone who will take your problems seriously. I will be thinking of you!
Well, I can only say that while medicine is a noble profession not all physicians are the white knights we think they should be. As is true of any profession, there are good, bad, fair and sinister. The mistake we make as patients is expecting all of them to be somehow free of the human flaws that plague the rest of us. That MD after their name says nothing about their character.
Well, you have sure had more than you share of difficult and discouraging encounters with Doctors. Good for you for defining you own reality and fighting as hard as you are to be well. I hope that you find someone who is willing to work with you as far as you want to go.
Take care and good luck.
This is so discouraging to read. A bedside manner should be a requirement. Aren’t they taught any compassion in medical school?
I’m sorry about this, I hate you’ve been treated so indifferently.
Already, you are not letting him define you - very proud of you - don’t you wish all doctors would be required to be a patient for a least a week before being granted a license - EMPATHY is what doctors need to develop. I’ve had some good and some bad too. It’s too bad that the “bad” ones are defining their profession. ((hugs)) to you!
I’m glad you had such a great doc early on so you know they do exist. I hope that you find another who is as compassionate as that one. I hope the one with the crap-ass bedside manner finds himself a patient one day soon and realizes he has some work to do in that department. You rock!
What an ASS.
Screw him. You do your thing, girl.