Yesterday you turned 6 years old. I can hardly say that, let alone write it. It just doesn’t seem possible. You’ve reached this age before we got in the basics, such as learning to tie your shoes or ride your bicycle without training wheels. Time has certainly gotten away from us.

Sadness is brought to my heart as I think about what each year as represented as you’ve grown. Instead of milestones like those above, we can measure your life by surgeries and medical events.

In so many ways I feel like you have been cheated over the past 4 years and it makes me angry. So much time has been focused on me and not you. For that I am sorry.

So it was fitting yesterday that during the exact time when you were born into this world 6 years ago, I was laying in an MRI machine having yet another medical test done. In an effort to diminish the memories it was bringing back of being helplessly stuck in a wrecked vehicle, I concentrated on breathing and focused on you. Much like I did 6 years ago during labor.

Yesterday I thought deeply about what has happened over 6 years and was has not happened. Where I thought our family would be when you turned 6 and where we are now. Most of all I thought about how what’s “normal” to you, isn’t to other kids your age.

I thought about the times when I’ve made it about me and not you. The times when I’ve chosen to ignore your needs and indulge mine. The moments when I’ve yelled in anger and cried in pity. The times that I definitely put me first and you second. Worst of all, there were times that I justified my actions by telling myself that I was the one who suffering, not you.

Aside from all these faults, you know how much I love you and that I would do anything for you. My hope is that if you take anything away from the situation life has dealt us, it is the character and strength that your father has displayed. He has role modeled what love and sacrifice involves, and how deep his commitment is to our family.

Despite everything you don’t have, you do have a wonderful father who loves us both. And that is not necessarily “normal” in the world today. Sometimes not being “normal” turns out to be a good thing.

I thank God daily for you both. I pray that the next 6 years will be more about you and less about me.

What a week! I am typically someone who is on-time (early even) for everything. We did not complete our taxes this year until 8 p.m. on April 15th. I had received a free copy of TurboTax through Props & Pans and it was VERY easy to use, but I just didn’t get around to e-filing until the last minute. (By the way you can win a free copy of the software here. You can also win Momager Calling Cards and a copy of Growing Up Wild Cats.)

April 16th was the 3 year anniversary of my cousin Stephanie passing away. I was able to go by her angel statue at the grave site and leave some flowers. It certainly doesn’t get easier with time.

Work has been very busy. There is a guest speaker coming in town this week and I am responsible for planning and overseeing the workshops and presentations he will be doing over the next few days. I’m enjoying the new position, but it requires a lot of organization. I’ll be thankful when summer time arrives and things slow down.

Our house has been on the market a full two weeks now and only ONE person has actually looked at it! I know the market is slow, but I guess we were expecting more activity than that. Each morning we sweep and clean up before we leave thinking someone may drop in during the day, but so far that hasn’t happened. I know the one day I leave my bra hanging on the armoire in our bedroom somebody will show up.

I thought having a blood clot and giving myself shots twice a day was plenty of excitement for our family, but I was wrong. (By the way, my stomach looks like a battle ground!) Friday morning we were awoken around 4:30 a.m. by the house shaking. By shaking I mean actually moving! Turns out Indiana (and several surrounding states) experienced an earthquake that registered 5.2. Seems small in comparison to what California might register, but to us it was big enough.

Lastly, you must go read this article in our local paper. A student teacher e-mailed a fake threat to the school she was working at because she had an assignment due that day! I feel sorry for her, because this will totally ruin her career, but in a way it was pretty stupid.

I’m not sure what I was thinking when my mother-in-law asked if it was still alright for her and our two nieces, to come visit over spring break (after I told them we in the midst of packing and getting our house ready to sell) and I said SURE! We welcomed them into our very small, two bedroom/one bath home last night and I’m already dreading the fact I’ve got to go back and touch-up all the walls and baseboards that I just touched-up with paint this week.

I thought that today we’d get out of the house and destroy someone else’s property. So off to the children’s museum we headed. Great plan considering every child in the tri-state area is out of school and every mom on their last frazzled nerve headed there too!

It was fun and the kids did enjoy the exhibits and a special dinosaur presentation, but it only lasted a few hours before we were back home and bouncing off our own walls again. Really it isn’t the fact that they make messes and seem to go through drinks like small camels. My issue is the yelling. And the door slamming. And the whining. I can’t handle those three things for very long without losing it entirely.

You know how it is with disciplining someone else’s child. I’m stern and not afraid to tell either of them to stop jumping on the bed or to pick up their toys, but I feel out of place telling them to knock it off or else - over and over again.

Ethan’s been a little upset with the fact that he gets in trouble for doing the same things his cousins don’t get in trouble for. We don’t tolerate a lot of the behaviors that they are allowed to display. At the museum today I had packed snacks and drinks for everyone. When we sat down to eat, one of my nieces threw a fit about getting a snack from the vending machine and not eating one of the 3 things I packed. My MIL quickly gave in and then offered to get Ethan something as well. I refused stating that he could eat what I brought or do without. He didn’t protest, because he knew that is how we roll.

It’s the little differences like that which make things hard. But he is enjoying spending time with them, even if they are bouncing all over 1,000 square feet of our home. My husband worked today leaving me to provide the entertainment, but tomorrow night I’m headed here to watch my friend try not to break anything.

Have you seen the commercial advertising that Paige Davis is returning to host Trading Spaces on TLC? I loved that show from the beginning, but when she suddenly left I lost interest. For some reason her almost annoying perkiness and antics made that show fun to watch. Without her you were left with two arrogant designers and a few nervous homeowners.

With Paige back, TLC is switching things up. In the advertisement they ask if you could trade spaces with your ex or your mother-in-law. Can you imagine? I can’t, which makes me all the more excited for the upcoming show on Saturday’s (January 27th is the premiere).

I don’t have an ex, unless you count that guy I refer to as Rat-Boy that I dated back in high school, but I do have 2 mother-in-law’s. (No, we don’t live in Utah. My husband’s parents are divorced and his father is remarried.) I get along very well with my husband’s mother and we have similar tastes in decorating, but his step-mother and I differ in this area quite a bit.

I shop at places like Big Lots and outlets, so I can proudly tell you the price of most of the items I display in our house. My step-mother shops at very pricey stores and insists that your pillow cases match your lamp shade. I’m lucky if our pillow cases match the sheets!

Now if they cast me on this show and I was trading spaces with Rat-Boy, I would honestly staple rubber rats all over his walls. Maybe I’d add a few snakes in there too just for fun.

Honestly, I can’t say that I have any particular style. I like to be surrounded with warm colors and things that remind me of family. I couldn’t tell you the difference between French Country and Contemporary. A designer would probably take one look at my style and classify it as, “What Was On Sale!”

Why is it when we are hurting, we punish those around us?

My brother has had a lifetime of hurt inside and rarely lets anyone in. He’s experiencing a down time, but it certainly isn’t something he can’t turn around.

His personality thrives on down times though. Instead of using the negative to fuel his motivation to change things, he uses it to justify his mood.

Life is never going to be perfect for him, but he could find happiness if he would recognize all that he has going for him.

God knows no one has tried harder to be his constant support than my mother. She has gone above and beyond for him, and been his cheerleader through the good times and the bad. That is a tough thing to do when the person you believe in has all but given up on themselves.

Despite everything she has given, he decided not to show for her birthday dinner tonight. It angers me that controls her feelings like a puppet-master, deciding when she can feel happy and relieved, and when she should be sad and worried.

I’ve seen the good within him and it’s absolutely beautiful. I feel like he’s missing something within his heart that would give him a sense of peace.

How do you help a person realize they are their own worst enemy?