I have a doctor appointment tomorrow that I’ve been waiting for. Having just returned from a restful vacation it’s the last place a woman would wish to be. Nothing beats sitting naked with a scratchy gown covering your cold body as you wait…and wait in a pale yellow room for a rushed doctor.

Once it is your turn the routine is to shake hands, blurt out the “fines” and then hurriedly ask questions before the doctor asks me to put my legs into a pair of metal handles with pot-holders adorning them.

Can you guess which doctor I’m going to?

The reason I’m anxious about this appointment is because about a year ago when she asked if we were planning to have more children I had to explain to her I was unsure about the medical possibilities of that. It’s really just wrong that I would have to explain to my own doctor, that I’m unsure if it’s possible. Couldn’t one of the trauma surgeons from after the car accident have sent her a note, a letter, even a copy of my records?

Maybe they did but she still asked which ensued a discussion on what complications, or as she put it “challenges,” might occur. There are several foreseen issues - since they removed my spleen my platelet count as been high. It was extremely high right after the accident and I needed to take oral chemotherapy for a period of time while in the hospital, which brought the levels down to manageable, but left my hormones all out of whack.

Apparently during pregnancy if the mother has a high platelet count it can cause blood clots in the placenta and more importantly the umbilical cord. Strike one.

The other problem we know of is that I broke my pelvis and it was screwed back together. As most women know when you are pregnant your pelvic bones shift and open to allow the baby to be delivered. My orthopedic doctor already stated that a c-section would be required and I would possibly need to deliver early to avoid any problems with my own bone structure. Strike two.

These are foreseen challenges, which means there may be more arise as a pregnancy developed. The one thing we will not know until we actually try is IF I can get pregnant. What I mentioned above are after the fact. As we roll with life, nothing is guaranteed.

So last year at my annual exam we talked briefly about our intentions. My answer to her question was yes we would, but we are uncertain of when. Due to the frequent number of surgeries I’ve had since July 2004 (26 thus far and possibly one coming in December) there hasn’t been a 9 month window. Not only that but I feel I should allow a lot of the medications time to exit my system and work on being the healthiest I can.

I told her to give me another year and we’d go further with testing, discussing and planning. Tomorrow is that year mark and I’m sure the question will be asked again.

With all these issues my husband and I are unsure we should risk not only my health, but a babies life as well. We’ve spent a lot of time discussing different options and praying for guidance.

On a brighter note ~ Have you seen that Monopoly has taken away the cash? Wanna know more about how it works & whether it’s worth the price? Go over to Props & Pans and check out my review!

Recently my mom made a comment to me about all the good things that have been happening to us lately. The way she phrased it was that “because” of the accident…or maybe I should say “as a result” of the accident, I started this blog as an outlet. Since then cool things like the Detroit trip have happened.

Lately we’ve had some good news come our way. Most of it stems from finding out we are receiving a settlement from the car accident, that up until 9 months ago we were sure wouldn’t happen. This will relieve a lot of financial worries for us and provide some security for our future.

As a result of the Detroit trip I will have a 2008 Saturn Outlook sitting in my driveway on Wednesday afternoon. It’s almost unfathomable that GM would just give us a brand new SUV to test-drive on our vacation next week and put it to the test, but I’m thankful.

I would never wish such an event (as my accident) on myself or anyone else, but honestly I’d give up the Detroit trip, test driving the Saturn, the lawsuit money - all of it:

- to wake up in the morning and dread stepping on the floor, because my ankle is so stiff

- to not be in pain every single day

- to not wish I could turn back time and do something different the day it happened

- to not be jealous that we don’t have another child and many of our friends do

- to not wonder what my life will be like in 10-20 years & whether I’ll be able to walk

- to understand why it happened to us in the first place

I would give it all back in a heartbeat, but I am enjoying having some good things happen to us. My mother has told me repeatedly over the past 3 years that “things happen for a reason.” And I truly believe they do. Let the good times roll…

Today we spent a large portion of the afternoon at a local city pool trying to cool off in the 100 degree heat. Instead it felt like we were taking a luke-warm bath in a pool that was likely filled with more urine than chlorine. If the people swimming were any indication of what the water contained, then we’re basically screwed. E-Coli here we come.

It’s the first public swimming pool visit for us this summer fueled by the fact I had a coupon to get in free. My first clue should have been the lady who almost ran us down in the parking lot.

Thank God I have good hearing, although her voice acted a horn as she drove up. Her kids should just be thankful she stopped at the pool entrance to let them out the door.

Her screaming demeanor started at one end of the parking lot and mostly contained the “F” word and a lot of “get your a** out of the car!” Apparently she was late to work and in a hurry. So much of a hurry that she threw a $10 bill out the window as she drove off. Her four children under the age of 12 walked slowly towards the pool with their heads hung low. The oldest one still coughing from inhaling the exhaust after picking up the money after her mother drove off.

For a moment I stopped to think about how I must sound to others, and to Ethan, when I raise my voice out of anger with him. Granted I NEVER scream the “F” word at him nor would I roll him out the car door as she did. But watching someone else’s faults does give you a moment to review your own actions.

Inside the gated fence of concrete and water didn’t get much better. An older lady that I can only assume was with her grandchildren had a very difficult time yelling at them with no teeth. I found it hard not to stare. I’m not sure if it was the way her mouth sunk in or just the fact her two grandchildren were under 4 years old and swimming alone in the 4 foot deep section.

Again I recall the misjudgments I’ve made with Ethan over the years, but I don’t think I’ve ever intentionally put him in harms way. Then again maybe I have without realizing it. In her situation she honestly more than likely didn’t know any better.

Sometimes I watch others like this, but not out of judgment. If anything I watch and make mental notes so that the next time I start to loose my cool and yell for Ethan to hurry up, I’ll think back and remember how low those young heads hung.

I took one year of Spanish in high school. How I passed that I am still unsure. This is probably the only phrase I learned (and remember). My Spanish teacher hated me with a spirited passion. I couldn’t seem to grasp the language and since I didn’t understand it I just made up my own Spanish.

I’d add “El” to the beginning of a word and “O” to the end. So the word “desk” became “eldesko.” I’m fairly certain that she cussed me out in Spanish on more than one occassion. I thought I was being creative, besides my Spanish made more sense.

That’s alright because now I have blog bling! I don’t know that I’ve ever received a blogger award in the long short 7 months since I’ve joined this cult world.

Many thanks to Jodi & Jail Diet for the “Rocking Blogger Award“! They just love handing out the bling. Go pay them a visit. I think you’re both pretty special too. By the way, does this come with a check?

And thanks to Shelly for the “Thinking Blogger Award” - which wait…maybe I have received before?? I’m not good at keeping track of stuff. She was fond of my “This Was My Date” post this week.

Since I have got to be the last person on this Earth Blog to receive such honors, I do not feel the need to bestow it upon anyone else!