I’m sure we aren’t the only ones. We simply can’t be. It’s just not possible. Is it? To have a few of the most annoying friends ever?

Don’t get me wrong they are very nice people and would do anything for us, but they are SO annoying!

We met them about 5 years ago and became close initially because our sons were the same age. I blame my husband because he and this guy worked in the same office. So he brought the WT family in our lives.

When we went out to eat with them the husband was so loud and obnoxious it drew attention from everyone around us. He’d yell something about burning his kid with a cigarette (he was kidding - but it was not funny) and everyone glared. Whenever we invited them over their son would literally tear the house apart. I realize kids do, but they never helped clean it up and that irritated me.

They ended up moving because he got a job as a car salesman (perfect fit) and we figured it was our “out”. Not so lucky. They ended up coming back to visit twice a month and would call every Friday and because we never answered the phone (Thank You God for caller-id) left the same message:

“Hey guys! It’s **** Mac! We’re in for the weekend and want to come over. We’ll try you again later.”

They always shorten their last name to make it either cool or easier to spell. I’m not sure which.

You’d think after months of us ignoring their calls they’d take a hint. Not them. They still hung on.

When they heard about my car accident they quickly sent a gift. A tree. From a nursery. To our house. Here my husband is spending 24/7 at the ICU with me, praying I recover and he has a tree at home to plant somewhere in our yard. It was a “weeping willow” tree ~ get it?

Who in the hell sends a tree? Seriously. Who? The Mac’s that is who!

By now they have had their second child and we figured surely their life would be too busy to keep us in it. But they were persistent. We made contact a couple times a year. Then about 3 months ago they called on a Sunday afternoon. Stupid me answered the phone before I remembered their area code.

They were driving around in our neighborhood on their way to a funeral and were going to stop by. So here we are still in our pj’s and dirty from cleaning in our basement. They come in and chit~chat for a minute and then jokingly ask if they could leave their children at our house while they run down to the funeral.

Thing was they weren’t joking. Without saying yes they were out the door with a promise to return in 30 minutes. Two hours later and with half the house destroyed, they returned. Grabbed the kids and left to get on the road back home.

Can you see why they are annoying?

Last weekend as I was sitting in the Dallas airport I hear this familiar voice and just as I turn around I make eye contact with the Mac’s! Of all the freaking places. There they are. I’m so stunned I don’t know what to say. I rack my brain for our latest excuse for not being around the last time they called or or came into town.

All I can blurt out is to ask if they’ll be in town next weekend for our son’s birthday party. And to make a long story short ~ they were here last night. Their son spent the night and this morning they were back on the road to annoy people in their own town.

I have returned from my Kansas business trip. No, I didn’t see Dorothy. In high school I attended a youth group trip in which we traveled several days to Denver, CO and drove through Kansas. Those several days were on a bus with the most obnoxious kids I’ve ever seen. I heard that “Whoomp There It Is” song over and over again.

Along the way I informed my friend that I heard there were only 7 trees in the whole state of Kansas (as you can tell I didn’t get out much as a kid). We were so excited to try and find one! Right after the huge “Welcome to Kansas” sign was a freaking forest! So much for that.

What an interesting trip I encountered this time. I am always intrigued by people in airports. If you just sit and watch them it’s quite entertaining.

For instance, I am absolutely positive I saw a polygamist family in Dallas. I only know what one looks like from watching Big Love on HBO. There was a man in his late 40’s with 3 woman ranging from 25-40. They had about 8 kids traveling with them and at some point I saw each woman touch the man in an extremely affectionate way.

There was a young boy probably about 12 who was with his father. Sounds nice uh? Father and son traveling together. Except this father had them in these obnoxiously white Nike shoes that matched. It was a bit distracting. Poor kid.

Then there was the Reliv vitamin man. I only know he sold this pyramid scam product because it was labeled on his t-shirt, name tag, tote bag, and probably even his underwear. He was moving from person to person asking if they of the benefits of Reliv? I was smart though and pretended I was deaf when he got to me. (Well I didn’t want to give up my seat. It was standing room only!)

My favorite part was when the over-the-hill cowboy behind me in the security line emptied his pockets and laid 15 condoms in his screening bucket. Everyone kind of just looked at him and he replied, “I’ve got a busy weekend planned.” Enough said.

Ever met a pervert? Come on you know you have. Whether it may be that old man down the street, your husband’s buddy or a close family friend. My parents have a trio of close friends that they do things with. They all attended high school together and still live in the same area (small town quicksand, once you’re in you never get out).

The common thread they share is having an empty nest, retirement looming and the “how soon until we die” question mark hanging over their heads.

We’ll call this ‘perv‘ Don. I must say he is probably an overall nice man, but his creepiness factor is off the radar.

Don usually drives me crazy with his off-the-wall comments and the fact that he tries a little too hard to be witty. I can’t explain all of his issues, even the internet can’t hold them. He’s tall, so I know he doesn’t suffer from “little-man syndrome,” but he’s obsessed with sex and likes to make his thoughts known to all who will listen.

Last weekend while camping he was actually telling the group that if his wife ever died he’d need to remarry quickly. Not because he can’t cook or do his own laundry, but because he can’t take care of his “needs” in that way. He reminds me of Hugh Hefner…old and creaky body, but still going strong like the Energizer Bunny.

His favorite camping motto is: “if the trailer is a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’!”

He also was excited to have bought a new VCR for their camper. When someone else commented that they may not make many VHS tapes anymore, he didn’t care. Wonder why? Probably because his porn collection is on VHS.